First NightRosie lay across from me in the cold, dark ward. She was agoraphobic; and when she laughed, her hands fluttered and she tapped her feet against the floor.It was late when they carried me in. I had no name; just a plastic bracelet with a barcode and my patient number, address and date of birth. N447584. But the doctor and nurses just called me the O.D girl.She smiled at me as they attached wires and a heart monitor; as they dressed me in a white hospital gown with the ties undone, leaving my spine naked and exposed.Somehow I cant find the strength to tie it up, though Im afraid of the strangers hands on me. A gentle smile that keeps me from shattering.Rosie, with her tiny, emaciated body; frail and drawn against the pale sheets. I didnt know how shed gotten here. The man next to us had fallen; broken his ribs and injured his mind.I was falling into nothing; I had nothing to hold me in the freezing hospital but the soft, sweet smile of a str
First Night pt2I.Theres a green line pulsingAcross an empty black screenIm frozen under its stareWith my fingertips pressedAgainstThe dark blue hospitalDress.Im feeling desperately beneath myselfListening for my heart beatSearching for evidence of red beneathPerforated skinAnd drug-inducedDilated pupils.A strangers hands are coldAgainst my bodyStealing the essence of my soulFrom the vapour of my wordsIm lost.II.My mouth shatters into piecesOnto the floor.My shoes whisperInto the silenceForgiving my mortality.A nurse pours goldInto a coffee cupHands me a liquid lifelineOf bittersweet orange juice.And I wonder what I would have tastedIf the drugs hadWorked.III.Deep memory spreadsInto my subconsciousDrowning me in soundAnd shades of grey.I wake, breathing whispersOnto the pillowcaseToo afraid to bite my lipsIn my surrenderToo afraidTo find myselfIn an echo of a dream.I watch quietlyAs my horror growsOut of the gentle dark
Love LetterLights flicker over her sleep form at dusk,the pale curve of her breathing. Softsweet shudders within her asa dream shapes the world.Our breath mingles in the darknesssecrets and loveexist between usweighed by dust inbreath and light on the windowsill.It circles in the silenceand I wonder if that's all we aresecretsand loveand dust.